Natalie’s column: Clowns fail to ruin Halloween

Natalie Johnson
Humor Columnist

Brandon Miller is "Squeaker the Clown" for Knott's Scary Farm's 2016 Halloween Haunt. It takes a make-up artist about 20 minutes to apply make-up, mostly with an air brush, to his face to give him the proper sinister look. (Mark Eades/Orange County Register/TNS)

Brandon Miller is “Squeaker the Clown” for Knott’s Scary Farm’s 2016 Halloween Haunt. It takes a make-up artist about 20 minutes to apply make-up, mostly with an air brush, to his face to give him the proper sinister look. Photo by Mark Eades/Orange County Register/TNS

With the lovely changes that this October has brought there have been several spooky occurrences, such as:

The presidential election…coming down to Hillary Clinton vs. Donald Trump;
The Cubs playing baseball…in October;
Kim Kardashian’s robbery in Paris;
Lil Yachty’s appearance at the Pageant. I can only imagine;
Inconsistent weather with a consistent appearance of Ugg boots;
Multiple midterms;
And, finally, the most frightening October occurrence of all…the clowns … and no, I’m not talking about the election again.

As if middle-aged men donning makeup, throwing pies and driving around in tiny cars wasn’t enough, now they are trying to lure children into the woods. Awesome!

Try as you might to outrun the creepy clowns, they are everywhere. For a solid week, they were all over the news. “Clowns sighted” became a frightening headline. “Clown” became a terrifying word to be heard muttered, and for some reason, once the clowns were mentioned in the news their population seemed to quadruple. Sweet!

Not to be mistaken with your average, happy carnival clown, these “killer clowns” will wait relentlessly in a corn field to jump out into oncoming traffic. Said clowns have been spotted on street corners, in parks, and hiding in plain sight, such as on your front porch or in your backyard…

These clowns are undoubtedly a force to be reckoned with.

I do feel bad, however, for the professional clowns who are being stereotyped as evil. This phenomenon is degrading to the pros.
In response to this clown-slandering, professional clown Nikki Sinn organized a “Clown Lives Matter” walk.

This “peaceful walk” as Sinn called it on a Facebook post, was meant to set an example that not all clowns are scary, and to raise awareness to the matter. What better way to get attention than to make a mockery of a powerful civil rights movement?
The walk never happened due to hundreds of death threats Sinn and other participating clowns received, according to ABC News.
Although there are certainly some good clowns, the threat of evil clowns lingers on as Halloween approaches.

Despite the alarming thought of being confronted by an evil clown while dressed as a suffering junior year in high school, my Halloween will go on. I doubt trick-or-treating, candy stealing or pumpkin smashing will be affected.

While I never had to trick-or-treat while worrying about clowns, I fear for the younger generations. Clowns are potentially going to ruin this country. We’ll see how that goes on Nov. 8.

Dudes with sad makeup, however, will not ever ruin Halloween.

 

See also: Op-ed: Halloween parties wrong for elementaries

See also: Natalie’s column: Clowns fail to ruin Halloween

 


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