Student promotes soda usage

We, the wonderful students at WGHS, are plagued by an evil which we can no longer ignore. This problem encumbers us in class and causes sleepiness among the student body. This horrible tragedy has occurred unchecked until now. It’s time for all to stand up and scream for soda.

This consumption resource is the very stimulus we need and use to fuel our day-to-day torture of endless classes. Our need is great. We need that extra push to get our adolescent bodies moving at hours of the day that God himself would only use for sleeping. We need this surgery consumption to study harder and pay attention in class. Could we find soda in the school cafeteria?

Our administration has given us a soda machine in the school cafeteria, but it’s not enough. Are you not tired of putting your parent’s hard earned dollar in the sparkly machine and have it then say, “Sold out” of everything? Is the faculty so cold of heart not to hear the high-pitched snores of caffeine deprived students? And why, do you, the vendor, offer disgusting selections that no one would even want? What childhood trauma did the administration, experience that led them to think that locking the only non-diet soda machine during the day was funny? How long, will we stand for this? How much longer can you sleep through math class?

One may point out that soda increases health problems. I can’t disagree enough! It is unreasonable to say that a student cannot control their sugar high madness. Not to mention we should consider the road this trend can take when everyone goes healthy. Fat will be the new skinny, and the new skinny will be the old anorexic. Do we want to have our student body to become invisible when they turn sideways just because we wouldn’t give them soda?

The problem is ripe with opportunity. Ever since elementary, we, the student body, have dreamed of having our school lunch taken over by McDonalds.

We, the students could protest for a giant fountain full of soda. Replace all water in the school with soda!

We might look at a more practical approach and let student council take over and sell sugary and caffeine infused snacks.

We wouldn’t have to charge for another dance again at Webster Groves. Are we so comfortable with tasteless selections to let opportunity pass us by?

Are teachers so caught up in the art of avoiding teaching that the thought of us actually being awake to listen to them is horrifying? How often have we heard the district’s cries to score better on the MAP Test; of the teachers’ ridiculous plea for us to pay attention? This scarcity has cost us grades that are rightfully ours. Think of the glory our football team could bring us if we had them, hyped up on caffeine. Not once have I heard of a slow and unenergetic cheerleader, yet we expect them to deliver such perkiness without the aid of sugar or caffeine.

My fellow students, we need soda. Dream with me of a world where children are ready and perky at 7 a.m. Dream of a time when teachers no longer have to have a conversation with themselves and have students that were actually awake. Granted they may jump off the walls a little and there might be one or two caffeine overdoses, but the opportunity cost is too high not to allow us to go without soda.



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