Commencement speaker pushes through tough past

Willie Zempel
Feature/Entertainment Editor

Senior Sam Short wants to keep Vermont weird while drinking some apple juice in the all purpose room. (Photo by Jack Killeen)

Senior Sam Short wants to keep Vermont weird while drinking some apple juice in the all purpose room. (Photo by Jack Killeen)

Senior Sam Short was chosen as this year’s commencement speaker, and he had a hard road to get there.

“I knew my life was going to be rough when I was two years old, and I buckled up, and my seat belt rubbed on my neck. It was really annoying, and no one helped me. That was the start of when I knew I needed to do everything on my own in life. Later more problems arose junior year when my mom stopped cutting the crusts off my sandwiches,” Short said.

Short has been a part of jazz band, marching band, cross country, track, baseball and yoga club throughout his high school career. He plans to go to DePauw University.

“When I was six, my family purchased a hatchet. I wanted to use it, but my mom said, “No.” I said, “No” to her. She said, “Fine” and thought I would just give up. She later came out and saw a huge tree had fallen and crushed my neighbor’s fence. I was now a man,” Short said.

Short said for his speech people should look forward to a recap of the Class of 2014 since sixth grade. He added he’ll throw in a bit of comedy (for the ladies).

“Sam was an easy choice for commencement speaker. I personally voted for him. His voice is like a mix of Fergie and Jesus. It’s like honey flowing from the fountain of life. This is coming straight from my heart,” senior Walker Green said.

“I think I was chosen as commencement speaker because I have great legs. All of the past ones have had great legs,” Short said.

“He looks good in short-shorts. Commencement speakers need to have good legs,” senior Chase Richards said.

“My greatest high school moment was when I walked into the auditorium, and I saw two students making out. I just knew it was true love after silently watching for three minutes,” Short said.

“The worst part about high school was people always trying to rap battle me, and I always flamed them out. They don’t think I am the best rap battler. No respect,” Short said.

“When I grow up, I want to be a man. I already am a man, but the hardest part about being a man is staying a man,” Short said.

“It’s hard leaving the school behind, but I’m ready to take on this world as a man with a dream… and a hatchet,” Short said.

Categories: Features, Senior Issue

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